starting right now, enough is enough.
enough feeling sorry for myself, enough eating till i feel sick, enough compromising on my goals, enough disappointing myself.
i believe we have 3 main areas to our lives - the spiritual, emotional/mental and physical.
the spiritual in my life encompasses my walk with God. one that is seriously lacking at the moment! i attend bible study on tuesdays and we have been focusing on prayer. church is sundays, and i quite often chat to mum or to christian friends about different spiritual issues, however, i cannot remember the last time i spent quality time with God, in devotion and delving deep into God's Word. so that needs to change!
the emotional/mental side of things in my life has been really good at the moment. i have just recently recovered from depression... and while that statement was probably very easy to read, it was hard to write, and even harder to experience! depression is a deep, dark pit, without a speck of light, and is one of the most horrible things i have had to endure. ive had it on and off for years, but was finally clinically diagnosed in about march last year. everything was hard, i had no motivation, cried all the time, was extremely sensitive about anything, couldn't get the normal things done, couldn't sleep properly, feel extremely guilty and just felt like life wasn't worth living. i had to get to my lowest point, at easter this year, before i was able, through the strength and power of God, counselling sessions, exercise, medication and of course time, to overcome this illness, and climb slowly out of the pit.
i make a point now of enjoying life, being positive and being grateful. i never thought, 18 mths ago that i would ever get to this point. praise God!
the physical side of things is just another one of my enduring battles. firstly, exercise. most cringe at the idea of exercise, but i can honestly say i quite enjoy it. i really enjoy the benefits and the feeling after. i don't always feel motivated to go and exercise, but setting goals has been helpful in this area. i have done lots of different things for exercise over the years - played touch football, basketball and netball in local comps, taken adult dance classes, competed in volleyball, hockey, and touch football at school and softball at college and PE classes at uni, walked religiously, and been members of various gyms. in march this year, i joined curves in newcastle, which is a women's circuit gym, and i absolutely loved it. i made sure i went at least 3 times a week, and i know it really contributed to not only my overall physical fitness, but my emotional and mental fitness too. i am currently a member of the local gym in my hometown, where i've moved back to after pretty much completing my PE teaching degree. i love the classes, especially les mills' bodycombat (lots of kicking and punching and martial arts type moves), bodybalance (a combination of yoga, tai chi and pilates), sh'bam (a dance class) and bodyvive (using balls and resistance tubes and aerobic moves). i also walk with a friend a few times a week, and by myself on sundays on the new path along the river in town. i feel good and it keeps my occupied during my holidays!
the eating part of the physical side of things has been and is a lot harder as most would know! i used to eat whatever, until i took that to the extreme and reached my heaviest weight, prompting me to discover healthy eating and regular exercise, about 2 and a half years ago now. looking back, i did not eat enough, and was very fearful of becoming fat, and im pretty sure i would classify as anorexic. i then plateaued, and while attempting to shift more weight, found myself bingeing and the purging or taking laxatives or diuretics or exercising obbsessively to counteract the binge, launching me into bulimia. i got rid of all the compensatory behaviours, but still can't shake the bingeing (though i did, at this time get to my smallest weight, almost underweight, by religiously following weight watchers). i am now about 10kgs heavier than my smallest weight, and about 13kgs less than my heaviest. i still binge. some weeks now are ok, with no binges (or just 1), however others see a 5 day a week binge. it's awful, i eat till im sick, and i dont even like what im eating, or feel any satisfaction from the process. so this is a massive hurdle i need to get over!
goals ive set for the next 13 weeks (why 13? i have 3 weeks of hols, and then 10 weeks on my teaching internship...):
- spiritual: start a daily devotion. spend time with God in the morning, or immeadiately after lunch (when i have to get up early)
- emotional: keep filling out my gratitude journal, surround myself with positive people, recite affirmations, pray, be positive and enjoy every day
- physical: exercise: 5 times weekly (3-4 times at the gym, 1-2 walks, 1-2 rest days), diet: eat 19 points daily, try to only eat healthy, unprocessed food, after tea have a weight watchers hot chocolate or cup of tea, then brush your teeth or put your retainer in so that no more food can be consumed. do not be peer pressured into eating what you don't want. choose low-fat options always. be gentle with yourself!
this blog is a form of accountability. i hope to write here daily about my struggles and triumphs - hopefully more triumphs than struggles! all i can do is try. try and be persistant and determined!
it starts now. right now. a fresh start!
